Manny is well aware that you can vote 25 times per email address in the All-Star balloting.

He is also aware that his name remains on the ballot, his current sabbatical notwithstanding.

But he won't tell you how to live your life. That is not his way.

Manny Ramirez is lucky that there are no major league baseball teams in Iowa

as he has a Betty Boop Tijuana Bible tattoos on his back.

Oddly, when seen on his frame, few would disagree that it does not contain “serious literary, artistic, political, and scientific value,” but Manny doesn't want the headache.

Did you know that Manny Ramirez's favorite food is a sour creme and sriracha boxty?

Whist is a game that taxes the most ordered and scientific mind.

It rewards attention and care and quiet, well-mannered brilliance.

Manny once won the world in a game of whist with an unnamed partner but, in a moment of cruel pity, refused to accept his bounty.

Like Helio Castroneves...

Manny Ramirez climbs the fences of the stadiums that he wins in.

However, Manny does so on the outside of the stadium. You would see him if, when leaving the ballpark, you would just look up.

Unlike Jose Canseco

Manny is not fighting a 7'2" South Korean kickboxer in a Japanese mixed martial arts tournament.

Unlike the doper Canseco, Manny has a code. He never fights for money, only for honour, and almost never on this spectral plane.

Did you know that Manny Ramirez is allergic to Haberno Peppers?

They give him earth shaking gas.

Manny apologizes, but Malo had a special, and he took home leftovers.

In 207 BC, the Greek Stoic Chrysippus from excessive laughter while watching his drunken donkey attempt to eat figs.

Manny has used advanced mathematical analysis to determine that his death on Feb. 7th, 2499 will involve Crist' sippin', drunk asses and his own unflappable stoicism.

No matter where he plays...

Manny Ramirez is sure to park a 1962 Dodge Dart outside the left field wall.

If you ask him why, he'll mutter a bit about the gravitational pull from Red Matter, but he is never quite clear.

We continue to grow the empire

In a miraculous coup of the Austin Daily Statesman and Pork Producers Journal, Manny Ramierez Facts, LTD. has arranged for an important and critical voice to finally be heard in the professional baseball blogosphere.

After endless negotiations, and a strict review by our legal advisers Dewey, Cheatum, Howe, and Prosser, we are confident that we can finally unveil the newest tentacle in our cephalopodic empire:

What Ben Broussard Thinks About When Ben Broussard Thinks About the Supreme Court

We hope you find this a critical and unwavering voice in these difficult times.

Did you know that Manny Ramirez begins every day with a Protien Shake, two sets of 50 push ups, and a quick listen of The Move's album Shazam?

David Ortiz is struggling this season, raising the question as to whether it would make sense for Boston to try and trade him straight up for Manny,

50 games away or no.

Of course!

It would make sense right now for any team to trade any player straight up for Manny. After all, you can't spell T-E-A-M without the 'M' from Manny. As well as the 'anny' part, which has been hidden in the word 'team' for centuries by the mysterious Illuminati.

Manny Ramirez's time as a Top Gun jet pilot in the US Navy was one of deep personal conflict.

He had pledged his sensai Bruno that he would never kill again, but his country desperately needed his singular skills in the "cock"-pit to succeed in the viscous fight over the much-feared Grenadian air force (known in aviation circles as the "Perilous Peregrines"). Which side of his bifurcated nature - killer or healer, lone wolf or patriot, man or man-thing - would win out?

Manny shot down twenty enemy aircraft in Grenada, destroying millions of dollars of Iran-funded Grenadian military equipment. Yet miraculously, ever single Grenadian crew member aboard those twenty planes survived their meeting with the "Dread Baron" (as they referred to him with dread and awe). One engineer was even snatched plummeting from the sky by grabbing onto the wing of Manny's F-97 Hawk-Cat as Manny dove to match the falling man's deadly speed. Manny pulled up carefully and the Grenadian engineer was lightly deposited atop a swaying palm tree on a then unnamed beach locals now know as "Slugger's Cove".

Did you know that when he was a fighter pilot, Manny Ramirez's call sign was "Sinatra"?

Top Gun Day

We should count ourselves lucky that Manny Ramirez has plenty of money in savings...

otherwise, he might return to his first love

Al Capone style gangstering.

Manny and his newborn Star Child Waylon are both happy and healthy.

The two expect to spend the next 50 days counseling the Obama administration on the process to select a new Supreme Court Justice to replace the retiring Justice Souder and to shepherd the nominee through the Senate.


Manny is obviously familiar with the whole rigmarole having lead the Democratic charge against nominee Robert Bork during Manny's year as the Senate Judiciary Committee's Majority counsel in 1987.

Despite the news of the week, we here at Manny Ramirez Facts would like to assure you

that there will be no change in providing the public with the vital facts regarding Manny Ramirez.  In fact, due to our unprecedented and meteoric rise in popularity, Manny Ramirez Facts, LTD. is launching what will doubtlessly be another wildly successful venture:

Barry Zito is not a Velociraptor

We look forward to continuing to excel in all our ventures.

Sincerely,

MRF, LTD.

This is nobody's business but Manny's, but, considering everything...

the world needs to know:

Manny Ramirez is pregnant, and has been for the last twelve years.

It is his way.

As previously mentioned, Manny Ramirez's endocrine system is able to synthesise any material...

from the simple hydrogen atom to the most complex hormone, all at will.

Sometimes he produces medicine for friends, family and teammates in this manner, latter excreting it through glands in his upper mouth.

He's just trying to help, people!

Terry Francona has been known to chew glass in the dugout.

Yet, despite his impenetrable facade, he is regularly brought to tears when Manny Ramirez sings the "Gloria Patri Domino" theme from Gustav Mahler's "Symphony of a Thousand."

Though Silverlake, CA is closer to Salt Lake City, UT than Williamsburg, NYC...

Kari Ferrell shied away from the former, as the mere furrow of Manny Ramirez's brow would have stripped away her years of lies and fast talk, leaving her a reborn woman, forced to live with the guilt and shame of her legacy in the world.

Such sudden self realization would drive most people mad, so we won't look down at her for her understandable and oh so human weakness.

This does, however, speak volumes about James Loney.

Can Manny Ramirez cure cancer?

The real question is whether the FDA will let him.

We've all heard the stories, and I can tell you that they are true.

Manny Ramirez does run a nationwide network of orphanages, providing education and counselling for at risk kids. Manny's kids, as they are affectionately called, are well versed in Latin, Boxing, and survival skills.

Was there another news story that people were paying attention to today?

Manny would appreciate it if Google would direct people to the source for REAL TRUE Manny facts.

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The rumors are not true, people.

Manny Ramirez's pinneal gland is so advanced that it creates substances that modern medice has yet to identify.

Simple explanations.

Did you know that Manny Ramirez knows all the rules to Calvinball?

That is what an advanced degree from the Sorbone will get you.

Kanye West and Manny Ramirez met only once...

but the experience so shook the former that he crafted his greatest in a galaxy of hit songs, "RoboCop" off his 2008 album, 808s & Heartbreak.

The chorus, so reminiscent of the romantic maelstrom that lies at the heart of the greatest Euro-Disco hits, was actually based on a computerised breakdown of Manny's swing, converted into wave-form.

Did you know that Manny Ramirez carries around approximately $200 specifically for panhandlers?

only in $5 denominations, and only with serial numbers that end in 7.

Otherwise, he will tell you, what is the point?

Although contemporary accounts neglect to mention him,

Manny WAS the DJ at the now fabled Monster Mash, working the wheels of steel as a favour for his cousin, the Wolfman.

The beats WERE pumping, the ladies WERE bumping and fourteen separate (monster) witnesses were able to confirm that Manny was seen leaving the party in the company of the very comely Ms. Creature of the Black Lagoon.

Manny Ramirez did not kill the Zodiac Killer,

however, like a Grendel, he does have his arm mounted on the wall of his garage.